I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
accomplished twins. life is a go
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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