so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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