thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
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Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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