He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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