fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm having to shit out rocks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize