I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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