Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
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I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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