me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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