She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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