is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize