I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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