My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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