there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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