New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize