I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize