My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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