Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize