This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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