Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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