I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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