She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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