last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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