I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize