JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
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