he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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