Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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