You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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