i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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