They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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