Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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