Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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