There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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