Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
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Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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