Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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