I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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