I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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