I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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