look no pants
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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