I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize