My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize