So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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