I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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