You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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