Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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