Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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