i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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