So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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