Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
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I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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