P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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