my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize